[Poem] Limbo
2009-06-24 @ 1:49 a.m.
they say you know"you just know"
well I think I know, I think --
I think I know
it's no
an interlude, a summer,
break in life, break in the Great Plan
brimful of something I can only name regret
I keep thinking
long hours selling cigarettes and booze
what if?
---
I've seen them
(their eyes)
linger
and their thoughts must --
while I stand pushing buttons maybe
I'm also walking elsewhere, and
with whom,
doing what?
what if?
---
it's easy to say yes
I could say I've spent my life saying no
but that's a lie
I think there's a bubble, a
don't-ask zone, a sort of aura
of
don't-bother-with-it
maybe it's just me, but
there was still 313, still
a dragon and black sheets,
and still
here I am
---
in the mirror I see
very little
a list of not-enough
or far-too-much
I remember their bold eyes, their
"no tengo mujer," their
"�y tu novio?"
I wonder whether I am there,
hidden somewhere within the gray
and the network of neurons
and blood vessels
if so: what do I look like?
what is my name there?
who do I answer to?
what is my fort�?
and what do I dream of?
as time goes on I slip,
a sinner,
mind full of stained lace and falling
what if? what if? what if?
---
it should be more than enough for me
it should be my happy ending
i'm never content ...
is it restlessness
or fear
or greed?