[Poem] Limbo

2009-06-24 @ 1:49 a.m.

they say you know
"you just know"

well I think I know, I think --
I think I know
it's no

an interlude, a summer,
break in life, break in the Great Plan

brimful of something I can only name regret

I keep thinking
long hours selling cigarettes and booze

what if?

---

I've seen them
(their eyes)
linger

and their thoughts must --

while I stand pushing buttons maybe
I'm also walking elsewhere, and
with whom,
doing what?

what if?

---

it's easy to say yes
I could say I've spent my life saying no
but that's a lie

I think there's a bubble, a
don't-ask zone, a sort of aura
of
don't-bother-with-it

maybe it's just me, but
there was still 313, still
a dragon and black sheets,

and still
here I am

---

in the mirror I see
very little

a list of not-enough
or far-too-much

I remember their bold eyes, their
"no tengo mujer," their
"�y tu novio?"

I wonder whether I am there,
hidden somewhere within the gray
and the network of neurons
and blood vessels

if so: what do I look like?
what is my name there?
who do I answer to?

what is my fort�?
and what do I dream of?

as time goes on I slip,
a sinner,
mind full of stained lace and falling

what if? what if? what if?

---

it should be more than enough for me
it should be my happy ending

i'm never content ...

is it restlessness
or fear
or greed?