[Poem] Kneeling Alone in Shadows
2009-03-10 @ 3:34 a.m.
i have started many poemsstanding -- staring -- kneeling
in places filled with
darkness -- shadows -- spectres
pain
(you know it intimately,
this sort of poem --
the scrawl of a teenager
half-drunk with identity,
half-lucid with intent --
inevitably bad,
a twist of writing
to be crumpled)
pain
the slow pain that isn't pain
but is the dull ache
of anxiety
(a constant companion --
first names,
secret smiles,
skeletons)
after hours of
smiling -- chirping -- laughing
i sit here wondering
(what did they think
when i bounced away?)
(what does he think
what does he think)
already i've peeled back
a layer of my heart
he pulled down
a piece of his, too
it's frightening to see how
closely
they match
this is the beginning of something terrifying, certainly, maybe
beautiful -- real -- raw
all i know is it's too fresh,
and that's why i sit here
wrapped in dread
all i know is i do not deserve this
and that's why i end another poem
kneeling alone in shadows